10.27.2011

Let’s Be Better

I recently wrote a pretty nasty comment on a blog post that Paul Burton published regarding his feeling on what’s become known as #dildogate. At the time of writing I felt I was bringing up valid reasons why he ought to be held accountable for the whole ordeal but I realized very quickly that I had no business adding to the noise that has brewed. Actually I knew it the moment I pushed the submit button. What I had to say was simply unnecessary. This became even more evident when Paul wrote yet another post that, I feel, emphasized the regret he felt for causing anyone harm. It got me wondering if he really indeed caused the kind of harm for which he is getting scorned.

So I wrote Paul a personal note, which I should have done in the first place, to apologize and to confront him at a more personal level and to get his take on the ordeal. And Paul wrote back a letter which reminded me of what I already knew but had set aside for my own sake: Paul never meant anyone harm and, in truth, his positive contributions at EECI far outweighed the mistakes that, depending on your idea of unbecoming material, he may or may not have made. Simply put, I no longer believe that Paul deserves the backlash he’s gotten from me or from the community that, in my opinion, ought to be more mature than we’ve shown ourselves to be on this matter.

I first met Paul Burton at ExpressionEngine Camp in Denver, Colorado where he sat on an extraordinary panel about running a business with EE on your side. Later we’d sit for dinks with the likes of Jacob Russell, Ryan Masuga, and Adam Wiggall. When you’re an EE nerd like me this is akin to having drinks with your favorite of fame and I took full advantage by asking for every bit of advice I could get. Everyone had good things to say but Paul was the only one who, I feel, really engaged in the questions I was asking. I got the sense that he really wanted to help me. Me, a stuttering little kid of no particular merit and with nothing to give in return. And that’s the kind of guy Paul Burton really is.

I listened to him talk about passion, caring, being nice and ultimately about love; love for everything and everyone, love for the work we do and love for whom we do work for. Astonishingly enough, much of what he imparted on me that night would evolve into what I believe is the best talk that EECI 2011 had to offer, hands down.

And then there’s the part about dildos. Well, that happened. That happened and I must admit that I laughed. I laughed for a long time and so did almost everyone in that room. But that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m not writing to state that I wasn’t offended. Actually, I empathize with those who were. I think Paul made a decision – which I’ve come to learn was more informed than most assume – and it back fired on him and on the event and on the community as a whole. This is a legitimate concern but it also might be one of the few reasonable issues that our backlash has chosen to focus on. I also know that Paul has made the right steps to make amends and I applaud him for doing so. For those with enough integrity to step back, think about the realities of this issue with compassion and see that Paul never meant to hurt anyone: thanks, we need more like you.

But I’m writing this for everyone else. I’m writing for everyone who attended EECI and is still very upset with Paul. I’m writing for everyone who wasn’t there and who has no frame of context or no understanding of the value in which Paul’s talk provided. I’m writing, if you can stand to listen, to share what I think has evolved into a much more mature angle on the matter.

I’ve spoken with a number of people who attended the conference and I get the sense that many were unsatisfied with the conference as a whole. That’s no jab at the event planners or at Robert. I know first hand how difficult creating an event can be and those folks responsible for EECI have done a fantastic job of listening to suggestions, so far as I can tell. But what’s important as it pertains to Paul’s talk is that, although people were unhappy with much of the conference (myself included), very few have been able to really explain why. Or not well, at least. Yet one thing is certain: Paul’s talk comes up frequently when people are trying to make sense of their issues. I mean the gloves really come off and we’re all of a sudden offended, or we’re unhappy with his decision, or we’re sad he “took liberties with this community” (my words). The kicker is that when you take Paul out of the context of the event most have admitted that his talk was one of, if not the best talk of the conference. This leads me to believe that Paul’s talk, and Paul himself, were the easiest things to aim our frustrations at. We’re blaming Paul for what we feel was missing from the event. Simply put, Paul has become a scapegoat.

Why is it okay for a speaker to drink beer during a talk, hand out beer during a talk, interrupt the conference three times to peddle his book, bring up Jesus (or religion at all for that matter), or not have a talk prepared at all? If we’re concerned about our investment in the conference or our level of inclusion, these issues are really just as or even much more pressing than a few “sexual innuendos”. Especially given the fact that those sexual innuendos came with scores of valuable lessons and were presented by a speaker who was most engaging and spoke with the highest level of passion, which is more than I can say for many of the speakers who committed the acts I mentioned above. It’s more than I can say for a lot of the speakers at the conference period. Why can we get over that but not this?

To be clear, I don’t mean to downplay those who were legitimately offended by Paul’s remarks. But I do implore you to handle your reaction with care and maturity or you’re no better than what has upset you. I know this because I did not handle the issue with care and I greatly regret it now. I’ve known for a long time that this community is an important one. It’s dear to my heart really. But what I’ve learned from this is that we really ought to look out for our own before we cast them out. When someone makes a mistake it’s of no use to persecute, especially when a simple suggestion will do just fine. So, I say, let’s make this better. From this point on, let's be better.

« Go back to Articles :: Share your thoughts with me on Twitter »